This Face

OK. Tell the truth. Does this look like the face of a bully to you?


I never thought so, but apparently I don't know - I'm just his mother.

This face was called in to the principal's office last week after a parent reported that her child had been bullied.

Really?

Yes. Really!

Dallin had mentioned in passing that someone at school (let's call him "Tom") didn't like him. He said that Tom and his friends kept trying to "attack" him -his word, not mine. He was so pleased with himself because when Tom's friends were about to "attack" him, he distracted them by showing them his super flexible thumb joint. (Way to use your noggin buddy!)

His point in telling me the story was to relay how advantageous it is to have a super flexible thumb joint. But that's not what I heard. Maybe it was the way he kept using the word "attack" that raised the red flag, but something in my gut didn't feel right. I didn't want to be one of those overprotective, meddling moms. I think it's important for kids to learn to work things out, so I let it drop for the time being. But I didn't forget about it. I would be sure to ask how things went with "Tom" after school the next day.

Are you with me so far?

Now let's fast forward to the next morning. I just happened to be volunteering at the school that day. I was out in the hall working with one of the kids when the principal walked by. He smiled and said "hi" and thanked me for being there to help. When he left the classroom, he took Dallin and 5 or 6 other kids with him. They all seemed very calm and laid back. There was no indication that this was anything out of the ordinary.

A while later Dallin came back to the classroom alone. He gave me his best please-don't-be-mad-at-me look and said, "The principal let me go since I wasn't even there when the trouble happened." Trouble? What trouble? Who said anything about trouble? I never even saw it coming.

As it turned out, the principal had received a call from "Tom's" mom accusing Dallin and his friends of being bullies. I was surprised by this development since that's not the story I heard the day before. Not even close. I know that there are 2 sides to this story, but I'm not fully convinced that I know either one of them.

That night before bed, Dallin and I had a nice looooooong talk; a talk I never imagined I'd be having with him. I know he's not perfect. I mean after all he is a boy, but still...he's my sweet, scrawny, non-aggressive, tenderhearted, little boy. (As I'm typing these qualities, it hit me that they are all rather intimidating. I'm sure first graders all over the world are shaking in their shoes right now. LOL!)

So anyway, while we were having "the talk", I asked Dallin what lessons he had learned from this experience? He said that he felt "sick inside his stomach and in his heart" when he thought he was going to be in trouble at the principal's office. Hopefully that sick feeling will be enough to keep him from going back anytime soon. I guess that's not such a bad lesson to learn.

And as for me, I've learned that I didn't read the fine print when I signed up for this motherhood thing. Clearly I didn't know what I was getting myself into. I'm sure I sprouted a few new grey hairs this past week. It didn't help that I've been so sick. It also didn't help that I had to speak in church last Sunday for our ward conference. The theme for the conference was "Teach Your Children" - and the principal was one of the stake visitors attending our ward. How's that for irony? Or shall I say humiliation? Ha! Ha! Now I'm just looking forward to a nice relaxing weekend watching General Conference. I've got my pen and notebook ready to go. With any luck there will be a couple good talks on parenting. Heaven knows I need all the help I can get.